


Arsonists

by KivaEmber



Series: Bonds Universe [12]
Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2
Genre: AU, Bonds-verse, Fluff and Crack, M/M, alternative universe, butts are also exposed, hibiki becomes a master of escaping closets, yamato just smashes his way through them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8841478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KivaEmber/pseuds/KivaEmber
Summary: Bonds-verse. “But look how it’s ended: arson. We’ve committed a felony.”





	

Poltergeists were assholes.

This was the conclusion that Hibiki came to quite decisively when he ended up in the broom cupboard for the fifth time since this morning. He was in an empty company building, strategically evacuated from its employees after an infestation of Poltergeist plagued it in recent weeks. They were harmless, thankfully, but the pranks they pulled were greatly hindering the company’s productivity, and thus turned to JP’s for help.

At first they had sent low levelled grunts to deal with it, but when they called back, thoroughly bested, complaining how they ended up in broom cupboards and toilets and ventilation shafts, Hibiki felt that he should step in to preserve JP’s dignity. It was only a couple of Poltergeist, and Hibiki could always take a good joke!

…is what he had naively thought.

Hibiki pulled at the cupboard’s door knob, grimacing when it rattled in a way that signalled it was locked. Of course. He heaved a sigh, looking about himself. No way. This was the same cupboard. He swore it had been in ruins since he set fire to it last time in an attempt to get out. He really hated this goddamn cupboard.

“Yamato’s never going to let me forget this…” Hibiki muttered under his breath. If he heard that Hibiki was getting bested by a group of Poltergeist each and every time… the man would just fix him with that pitying stare of utter disappointment – before shredding whatever pride he had left remaining with derisive words. Hibiki shuddered at the thought. No way. He would like to avoid that at all cost.

On the bright side, Hibiki was getting more and more skilled at breaking out of rooms. It only took a few, solid kicks before he smashed the door in –or, out, rather. He staggered out of the broom closet, and yelped when his foot got stuck in a mop bucket left in front of the closet door. After some flailing and stumbling, trying to kick the mop bucket off of his leg, something hit him in the back of his knee and-

Hibiki felt his stomach lurch sickeningly as he toppled backwards and fell down a flight of stairs.

His first thought was ‘ _when did those stairs get there_ ’, because last he recalled there were no stairs whatsoever near the broom closet – the next thought was _‘thank god I have resist physical equipped’_ because he was certain that he probably would’ve broken some bones with how hard he hit the stairs, rolling and tumbling down them until he came to a very forceful stop at the bottom, mop bucket still stuck to his foot.

Oh. Ow. He was going to be sore tomorrow morning.

As Hibiki groaned in pain, he heard childlike laughter echo somewhere above him. Muttering some obscenities under his breath, Hibiki slowly pushed himself up into sitting position, leaning over to wrench the mop bucket off of his foot and kick it away bad temperedly. This was driving him insane – Hibiki may be a very patient individual, but even he had a limit, and right now they were reaching it at breakneck speed.

A jingle sounded out then, a cheery J-Pop song that Hibiki recognised as his ringtone. Heaving a sigh, already having an idea of who it was, slipped the phone out of his pocket and held it to his ear. “Yo.”

_“Hibiki,”_ Yamato’s voice greeted, _“You seem to be taking longer than anticipated.”_

“I’m in the middle of a crisis, Yamato,” Hibiki said solemnly, “I’m considering becoming an arsonist.”

_“…pardon?”_

“I’m burning the place down. All of it.”

_“What?”_

It was a rare day when Yamato sounded so thoroughly baffled, and the utter bemusement in his tone cheered Hibiki up from his bubbling frustration. His frown turned into a slight smile, and he slowly pulled himself to his feet, cautiously looking about for any sort of flying brooms to thwack him in the head (again).

“These poltergeist are kicking my ass,” Hibiki finally admitted, “I’ve been stuck in closets, been hit by brooms, fell down a flight of stairs, attacked by office supplies – they almost made me fall out of the top story window! I think it leaves me no choice but to burn down the entire building and sanctify its ashes.”

_“…there is no need to go to those lengths,”_ Yamato said slowly, obviously unsure if Hibiki was joking or not. Truthfully Hibiki didn’t either. _“If you are struggling with… Poltergeist, I will offer my assistance. I’m sure the matter would be dealt with swiftly then.”_

“You say that now – but these are _asshole_ Poltergeist,” Hibiki stage-whispered down the phone, “For the sake of your sanity, Yamato, you should stay away. Save yourself while you still can.”

_“Stop being a fool. I will be there in twenty minutes.”_

“Yamato-”

_‘click’._

Hibiki stared at his phone for a moment, blinking once, then pressed his lips together unhappily. “Bitch hung up on me…” he muttered.

 

* * *

 

Twenty five minutes later, and Hibiki was back in the broom closet – this time with Yamato.

“You know, I think this would be where I’d say…” Hibiki began, but wisely trailed off when Yamato gave him a look that implied only one of them would be escaping this closet alive. “So, um, how’s your door kicking skills?”

Yamato’s response was to turn away, and viciously smash the door in with one solid kick. It was both impressive and terrifying, except-

“Er, Yamato-!”

With the hiss of spilling water and a dull _‘clang’_ , a thin metal bucket landed over Yamato’s head the moment the Chief strode out of the closet. Hibiki had to cover his mouth just because he didn’t trust his own response to that, staring wide-eyed at Yamato – standing stock still, a bucket over his head, and the dark stain of water spreading down his dripping wet coat.

The ambient temperature _dropped_.

“…” Yamato calmly reached up and carefully removed the bucket from his head. His hair was completely flattened with water, and the Chief made a very soft noise like he was taking an extremely deep, long breath in an attempt to suffocate the no doubt boiling rage he was feeling at that moment.

“Hibiki.”

“Um, yes…?”

Slowly, Yamato turned around to face him. His expression was very controlled, but Hibiki had known his partner long enough to read the _FIERY MURDER_ in his eyes and suddenly wished he had the ability to phase through solid objects, if only because he worried for his own personal safety being the only living creature within reach at that moment.

“Gather as much flammable material as you can,” Yamato said, his voice terrifyingly _serene_. “Then equip your strongest fire spell.”

“Um.”

Oh dear.

 

* * *

 

“So, what story are we going to go with here?”

“Electrical fire. It was a complete accident, of course, but as we were sufficiently distracted by the Poltergeists’ antics…”

“Right.”

The pair of them stared at the office building which was currently in the process of burning down. Somehow Yamato was being a responsible arsonist, and had dicked one of his demons into being fire control via precise use of Bufu spells so the surrounding buildings didn’t catch. All Hibiki could think was how lucky it was that there was mandatory evacuation of civilians from JP’s operations, no matter how minor the demon threat, otherwise he was fairly certain that the police would’ve been trying to clap them in irons by now, and with the current mood Yamato was in? Yeah. Let’s not even go there.

“So, an “easy” job, huh?”

“Hibiki.”

“’Stop being a child,’ you said, ‘It’s only Poltergeists,’ you said, ‘they’re not even worth a minute’s attention,’ you said.”

“Hibiki, I will ram my foot down your throat.”

“But look how it’s ended: arson. We’ve committed a felony.”

Yamato didn’t kick him. He viciously jabbed one of the bruises on his ribs instead, and when Hibiki half-doubled over in yelping surprise, Yamato promptly dragged him into a headlock, bending down enough so that Hibiki could feel the wet strands of his hair brush his cheek.

“I know where you sleep, Kuze,” Yamato purred softly, and Hibiki felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, “So, if you tell anyone about this…”

“S-Sorry, but… I can’t keep this to myself…” Hibiki gasped, a bit concerned by how tight Yamato’s grip around his neck. For someone with such skinny looking arms, his biceps sure were strong and firm. A fact he can appreciate later when he wasn’t in danger of getting throttled to death. “Soon, all of JP’s… will know… you got your ass kicked by… Poltergeists…”

Yamato _growled_ in that way that made Hibiki feel trembling all over, but he refused to be distracted this time! There was only one way to escape this sort of situation…! Blindly, Hibiki lowered his hand and grabbed a firm handful of Hotsuin-ass.

The reaction was instantaneous.

“ _Hibiki-_!” Yamato half-yelped, his grip loosening as he instinctively attempted to escape the grope before realising- but too late! Hibiki managed to break free of his boss’s hold and fucking _sprinted_ down the street like Hell itself was on his heels (and it was, because Hibiki would more than happily walk backwards into hell than face a furious Yamato head on).

“ ** _Kuze_**!!”

Oh boy, he sounded _mad_.

“YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!” Hibiki shouted at the top of his lungs, knowing that Yamato couldn’t pursue since he needed to overlook the safe burning of the building, knowing that he had a _headstart_ where he’d be able to call Otome, call Makoto, call fucking _everyone_ and tell them-!

Until he heard the heavy thump of paws against tarmac, and didn’t even have to look to know Yamato had set fucking _CERBERUS ON HIM **SHIT**_.

“NonononNONONO FOUL! I CALL FOUL- GYAH! MY _UNDERWEAAAAAR!!_ ”

 

* * *

 

…it was known by everyone in JP’s by the next morning: that the police had been called on their Chief’s right hand man for public indecency and criminal arson, after Hibiki had attempted to escape Cerberus’s snapping jaws by climbing up a telephone pole. The Chief, of course, had mysteriously vanished, leaving his second to take all of the blame.

As for those Poltergeists… well, rumour was they ended up haunting the office building the next block over. The mission for their removal was pushed across Hibiki’s desk the week after


End file.
